It’s your Lucky week this month coz we have a bonus episode for you! In case you’re wondering the weird capitalization for ‘Lucky’ – take it as a prelude before we dive into the first segment of this week’s episode: We are in conversation with S. J. Sindu @sjsindu, author of her first book Marriage of a Thousand Lies. The story is about Lucky (now you get it) who is a young queer Sri Lankan-American woman married to Krishna, who is gay. Her book skillfully portrays different facets of marriage – from the pressure desi women face, anxiety related to arrange marriages, the stigma associates with a failed marriage to the extreme circumstances that lead to a marriage of convenience, such as in the case of Lucky and Krishna. The book makes a compelling read. Marriage of a Thousand Lies will be available for purchase on Amazon and all major online retailers.
Last week, Sweety asked a question: How did you loose your virginity? Share your story. Now, sit back and get ready for some storytelling as we share some of the choicest stories from you guys.
[Virginity Stories transcript – Names changed to our favourite Bollywood female characters]
- “When I think back on the day I lost my virginity, my first time wasn’t very pleasant. I was 23 years old, a newly married indian bride, and it was 10 days after my wedding. When we finally attempted it, it was very painful and I actually ended up kicking my husband across the room! My husband and I look back at that moment and laugh about it now, but at the time it hurt a lot but we tried again after a week and it was much easier and much more enjoyable. I’m glad I lost my virginity him, we are still together and very much in love.” – Rani (Queen)
- “I remember thinking in my late 20s, that I would soon be a 30 year old virgin so I decided to finally just go for it. My experience wasn’t a fantasy Hindi movie with the love of my life, rather it was with some guy that I met in a bar while vacationing in Europe (classy, I know!) But I just felt enough is enough, let’s do this already! There wasn’t this momentous “aha” moment for me, honestly I was just really drunk and horny. When we finally did it, I was drunk so it was a little awkward but it was also a lot of fun, but it wasn’t great or epic, just “so-so”. Thankfully he was knowledgeable about sex so I didn’t have to stress too much about it, but I did also get my period while doing it and we just laughed it off. I don’t regret losing my virginity this way, I never thought of virginity or lack there of as a big deal, I did with someone I was attracted to at the moment and just went for it. I did have a weird feeling all week afterwards, but that may have just been my period hormones. If I had to do it all over again, I would be less shy, and much more assertive, I know it would have been a way better experience.” – Shashi (Sridevi in English Vinglish)
- “I grew up in a very traditional Christian Indian household in South Africa and i was raised to believe that I should wait to lose my virginity until after marriage and for the most part I agreed with that. Eventually, I left my small town South African bubble and moved to South Korea to teach English. Within a month of me moving, the traditional values I was raised with slowly faded away. And then i met a guy, a great guy, we had great chemistry and we vibed really well. Neither of us wanted anything serious, we wanted to keep it light and fun, and I was still exploring my new found freedom. We hung out often and finally one night I decided to just go for it. He invited me over to his place to “netflix and chill” and we ended up having sex. By the way, I was 25 years old when I finally did it. Compared to a lot of virginity stories I’ve heard, he was great. He was caring and gentle and really took his time, and I can honestly say, one of the best sexual experiences of my life. He didn’t know I was a virgin by the way. As we were doing “sexy time” I kept thinking to myself, “am i really doing this? is this really happening?” It wasn’t awkward and it didn’t hurt that much. The next day, I took a long, 24-hr trip back to South Africa and I was in a lot of pain, I couldn’t even find a good position to sit it. When in South Africa, we messaged each other now and then, but that was it. When I eventually returned to South Korea, we met at a party again, and during the conversation he dropped told me he had met someone and it was serious. By the way, He is now happily married to her. But at the time when he told me, I thought I liked him (I blame the oxytocin) and it made me very sad, and I started drinking and hanging out with the wrong crowd, until my best friend got a hold of me and snapped me out of it. I eventually got over him but it was difficult. We are still friends, we still have chemistry and those awkward inappropriate moments along the way. I have no regrets. It was the right time, with the right person and it was an amazing experience. This moment with him contributed to my growth and developed me into the person I am today. There’s a Japanese saying that my Best friend always says, “I am who I am, because of you”. No matter how big or small, everyone you meet in your lifetime plays importance role in shaping the person you are destined to be.” – Michelle (Rani in Black)
- “Looking back on the day I lost my virginity, it was pretty anti-climatic. I was only 14 years old, yes I know that’s quite young but as I reflect on it now, I was just rebelling against my very controlling parents, if I had more freedom I never would have done it so soon. My first time was boring and awkward and not painful, it was however very romantic. We laid down a towel and did it on the beach and the guy was very hot but he was also very young and we didn’t know or understand the value of foreplay. After I lost my virginity I did feel like a big, grown up girl, a woman, but then I kept thinking, what was all the hype about? I don’t regret losing it to him and I wouldn’t change a thing, but if I had to go back and do it differently, I would rather lose it to my first true love that I met afterwards at the age of 16.” Veera – (Alia Bhatt in Highway)
- Story by a guy – Amar (Aamir Khan in Andaz Apna Apna) “I lost my virginity at the very young age of 12, to a family friend, (who was also 12) and with who I played “doctor doctor” with for a little too long. It just kind of evolved from exploring bodies with a stethoscope, to exploring genitalia, to eventually one day, she suggested we had sex. I didn’t think about whether this was the “right time” or not, I didn’t think much about my “virginity” nor can I think of a single male friend that saves his virginity for marriage. All I can remember is that my hormones were raging, and here’s an opportunity and my dick just did the thinking. Both she and I were coming into our sexuality and acting on instinct. I remember it being very good but also very confusing. I hadn’t ever ejaculated prior to that, not even masturbated because I didn’t know how too. So when i got an intense multi-body orgasm (without ejaculating), I was confused and thought that God might have been punishing me and I just needed to give myself a time out. But after the haze cleared, I felt like a million bucks – accomplished and cool for having done something I knew other ppl wouldn’t readily have the opportunity for. So as a guy, I felt pretty macho and confident but then there was another side that felt a little shame and regret that I had sinned – religious guilt. That single experience essentially made me choose and decide what my spiritual values were, and let’s just say religion didn’t win. In some ways, losing my virginity freed me and forced me to make a decision on something people take years to figure out. And I do and I don’t regret the experience because what’s the point, it’s already a done deed. She and I didn’t speak for many years after that though, I think we were both ashamed and didn’t want to face each other. But all in all, it was a great experience because I became aware of tantric possibility from a young age and so in a brilliant way, it’s made me a better lover.”
And finally, our last segment is fun! Sweety reads out a salacious excerpt from the late Dev Anand’s autobiography. Psst… he liked to do it in a field. JK! Or are we… tune in to find out!